An Office Divided Cannot Calculate

I get very wrapped up in the Middle East conflict. I watch it pretty closely on the news and I do a lot of reading on the history of the area and all the wars fought there. I don�t really know why. I�m not Jewish. I�m not Muslim. I don�t know anyone from the area. I think what captures my attention is the fact that these people believe so strongly about their ideals that they�re willing to kill and be killed for them. I can�t remember the last time I felt that strongly about anything I believed in. My only religion since recovering from my stint as a Christian has been based on extreme cynicism and disbelief of everyone else�s beliefs. That�s maybe a bit strong, but I do believe our responsibilities as human beings with independent minds includes questioning everything around us and making sure that we know why we believe in what we do.

My office reminds me of the Middle East in a very real way. On my left is a row of offices, and if you walk past them you�ll read nameplates with names like Goldman, Goldberg, Stine, and Stern. These are all old men who have been working here for decades. For some reason, all of our new hires have been Arabic, so on my right is a row of cubicles with names like Zanjanian, Ragunandanian, Chandrakanther, and Mehta. If you walk past the offices you�ll hear Hebrew being spoken into the phones. If you walk past the cubicles you�ll hear Farsi. As a stupid American, I know nothing but English (and not even that well, mind you) and the only phrase I remember from 2 years of studying Japanese, which translates to �I�m American, and I don�t understand what you�re saying.� So since I can�t understand the languages, I�m not sure, but I think these two sides are conspiring against each other, and it scares me. The only people I have on my side are vapid and boring Christians who sit in the middle row with me, along with one very crazy man who resembles a little Jeffrey Dommer, Ted Kazinski, and Timothy McVey all wrapped into one. And we all know he�s looking out for no one but himself. In fact he�s the only thing that scares me more than the thought of being trapped between the two warring factions.

My only relief is knowing that we all have one commonality. We�re all geeky mathematicians, and when the fire alarm goes off, each of us grabs the most important possession from our desks and rushes out the door. That way we can play with our calculators in the parking lot to pass the time waiting for the fire trucks.