A Letter to My Dad

Dad �

I�m sorry I�m not as eloquent as my sisters on the phone or in person. I�m better on paper. I would have discussed much more with you on the phone when you called, but you obviously weren�t in the mood to discuss. You were only disseminating information like a stranger might give directions. But because I didn�t, I hear you�ve told Mom that I didn�t join my sisters and gang up on you and express how upset I am with what you�ve done. How dare you. You�ve now lost the ability to ever speak on my behalf again because it�s become apparent that I have no idea who you are.

Who are you. It�s a question the four of us have been asking each other and ourselves a lot this week.

I have never been able to look at you as a good father, but I�ve always looked up to you as a good man. Now you�ve taken away my ability to do even that. A good man does not surprise his wife of 37 years at the door with a suitcase. A good man does not fuck behind his wife and children�s backs for years. A good man does not call his three children the night he�s changed all of their lives and never once utter the phrase, �Are you alright?�

I have never been able to look at you as a good father, but I�ve always thought of you as a smart man. Now you�ve taken away my ability to do even that. A smart man does not abandon his family for a slut who�s able to sleep with a married man � a woman who sees nothing in the sanctity of marriage. If she�s willing to be the other woman once, she�ll be willing to be the other woman again. Next time, you�ll be the loser Dad, and because of the way you�ve handled yourself, you�ll have no one to lean on and support you and love you then. A smart man would not have fallen for such a cliched mid-life crisis scenario. And I�m sure you recognize it as much as the rest of us. I�m sure it�s tempting, I have no doubt, but you think to yourself and find one example of where a 55 year old man has left his wife of 35 years for the whore he�s kept on the side and it�s worked out. It doesn�t, and it doesn�t because it�s not built on a foundation of love and support, it�s built on sex and excitement, and that fades if there�s nothing else to support it. It doesn�t work out Dad, and I would have expected you to be smart enough to realize that. Deep down, I bet you do, and I bet that knowledge haunts you every day and keeps you second guessing all the way up until the moment you find her fucking another man because the sex was better and more exciting.

I have never been able to look at you as a good father, but I�ve always thought of you as a responsible man. Now you�ve taken away my ability to do even that. A responsible man would not think that by giving Mom the house and half the retirement savings that he�s lived up to his responsibilities. Don�t fool yourself, that�s only half of it. Your responsibilities in marriage do not allow for fucking on the side, they do not allow for lying to all of your family for years, they do not allow for humiliating and embarrassing Mom. You must have had dozens of opportunities to leave amicably, without another woman, without another reason other than an unhappy marriage. You�re responsibility was to leave then, not now that you�ve built a whole support network around you through years of lying and cheating, but left Mom with nothing. Fortunately for her, her children are here to live up to your responsibilities. We will be her support network. Your financial support is no longer a responsibility, it�s a legal obligation. Just because you�ve offered it willingly does not make you the better person because you know I have substantial resources to force you to meet that obligation anyway. I�ve advised Mom to not speak to anyone until she�s ready to. I�ve advised her to not sign anything until she�s comfortable with it and has sent it to my lawyer to review. I�ve advised Mom to not settle for anything less than she wants. If you try to get her to do anything different, I will use those considerable resources to stop you. Consider it a warning, do not make her go faster than she wants to, and do not even try to make her accept less than she�s due.

I have never been able to look at you as a good father, but I�ve always thought of you as a good teacher. Now you�ve taken away my ability to do even that. What have you taught us Dad? You�ve taught us all that you are not the man we thought we knew. You�ve taught us that you cannot be trusted. You�ve taught us that you�re a hypocrite. Don�t think that we don�t remember all those discussions you had with your daughters about what horrible men and husbands they have had. They may have hurt your daughters, but they did nothing compared to what you�ve done here. You�ve taken their moments of immaturity, of cruelty, of irresponsibility, of stupidity and magnified it 100 times and aimed it like a cannon straight at your wife and children. And you did it all while denigrating your son in laws for doing so much less. The lesson is clear this time, Dad. Our eyes have all been opened and we�re ashamed and embarrassed of what we see before us.

It didn�t have to end this way, but this is what you�ve chosen. I honestly hope that it will make you happy. I hope you�re happy knowing that now your wife and children will lean on each other for support, rather than burden you. I hope you�re happy knowing that you may never again see us build our families and run our businesses and live our lives. I hope you�re happy knowing that the son you claim to be so proud of is sickened by the thought of what you�ve proven yourself to be.