Comments:

fireflea -
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fireflea -
Dang. I meant those <<>> to have a hug in the middle. Visualize the hug! It's there, I swear.
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Dianna -
When I read this yesterday, I wanted to offer you a kind word or a gentle hug, but I was left speechless. Then I thought about those old cliches - "God doesn't sleep" "what goes around, comes around" "once a cheat, always a cheat" "he will get his" "karma hits the bulls eye everytime", but I guess sometimes the selfishness of human beings just surpasses words. Kind thoughts and wishes for your mom.
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Carla -
I've been sitting here typing and deleting and typing and deleting. Dianna is right -- this surpasses words. My father cheated on my mom with one griftery old woman for years -- but we found out not through him but through the tearful rages of my mother in the kitchen the times she couldn't contain it anymore -- the putting up and shutting up "for the sake of the children." I love my father -- he has passed away but I feel he is not gone. I don't know if this will make sense to you right now, but even though my dad never left my mom and they finally separated and divorced the year after the last one of us was legally grown, I was VERY VERY angry at him and for a very long time and rightfully so. It is a horrible, humiliating thing for the cheated-on spouse to suffer, and for the children, too. And I can't imagine I would have ever forgiven my dad if he had up and left mom the way your dad did, and after being hypocritical and self-righteous with you and your sisters. You would be right to show/send this letter to him -- maybe it will help as a psychic slap that may wake him to the incredible pain he has caused to further his own pleasure. And I wish I could give you more than a long e-hug but that's all I can do and also to thank you for being your mother's advocate so that she may not be further victimized. Good night, baby, and take good care of yourself, too.
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PoeticaL -
I read this, and I am walking in your mother's shoes. Granted I was only married for 12 years, but he left me for our neighbor of 4 years. A woman I trusted and was friends with. I felt so angry and betrayed, not only by him but by her. I would advise your mother not to feel threatened by his demands as far as a divorce is concerned. She should remember that he's had time to think about all of these things and plan the attack to serve his best interests. She also deserves this huge amount of time to come to terms with first her feelings of betrayal and anger before she makes lifelong decisions about her own future. He owes her far more than half, he owes her everything. My feelings are that if a man bails on his vows and cheats, and I'm sure he's lied to her as well in order to pull off his act of infidelities, then he owes her everything. I completely understand your feelings that he should have just left for the sake of leaving but men on a large part are always too weak for that. They need some other dumbass woman to come along and support their cause and convince them that lying and cheating on ones wife is not a bad thing but more of a thing to make them again feel like whole men. I know because my husband never left because our marriage was bad, he spent 3 years looking for a replacement so that he could handle life without me. He needed someone else to take up the reigns of his own needs. If he had just left without someone else being involved we'd probably be amicablly divorced right now. As it stands I told him "I'll sign and I agree to your terms, but I think I'll sign those damn papers in 3 years time after I have the same amount of time you afforded yourself to decide for sure what I truly want. I will pray for your Mom even though I'm not highly religious. I wish her and your entire family (minus your cheating father) strength at this time. For me its been 6 months since he left (2 days after Christmas last year) and I'm ok...I know I'll find better and I know that life will go on. Remember your mother is better off without him and she too will have happier days ahead of her. Even after this...life does go on.
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