If it were anyone else I'd laugh, nervously

Diary writing doesn't seem to be working anymore.

My life is suddenly a circus � there's more writing material than I could have ever imagined, but still there are no words.

Life has taken a turning point or two this summer.

I bought the house of my dreams with the man I love.

I resolved to get away from Satan... still working on that one, but things are looking up.

I ran to my mother's rescue when my father abandoned her, and our roles were all fucked up while I nursed her wounds and chastised my father for his poor behavior.

Three months later, my father�s 4-year affair mysteriously ended and he declared his decades of lying and cheating to be over and he was ready to return to his wife. My mother sighed with relief, and welcomed him back with open arms, while my sisters and I winced and feared for the next disaster. Then our parents abandoned us, feeling too awkward to call or write.

Two weeks later, my father, whom I still haven�t spoken with since he left my mother in May, returned from a doctor�s visit with the news that he had cancer, and any reconciliation his children and wife had planned with him had better happen quick.

My father is dying, and my mother is left to take care of him. My mother, who lost 50 pounds because she could not find the will to eat after he�d left her, says she�s just glad to have him home so she can take care of him.

At the end of it, I�m left feeling unable to forgive, unable to grieve, and worst of all, unable to prepare for a future I�m too bewildered to predict.